An insider's look at an atheist chat-room transcript:

*You have just entered room "Life - Beliefs Atheism"*

BlindFools: Hello all of my fellow highly-evolved amoebas.

JQA: Hi Blind

BlindFools: Are your bodies successfully surviving today?

PF: Yes indeed, Blind.

HS: I resent that remark, blind! i'm a highly evolved paramecium!

HS: get it right!

PF: My pathetic pointless existance is proceeding nicely, how bout yours?

BlindFools: PF: that is functional.
BlindFools: PF: No, not pointless...
BlindFools: PF: Must keep surviving.
BlindFools: PF: Get better at it.

PF: Yes indeed, gotta pass on them genes.
PF: Passing on gene's is great fun. ;)

BlindFools: PF: Yes, but don't think about the passing of genes, just follow your urges.
BlindFools: PF: because...
BlindFools: PF: who really cares what happens after we die anyway.

CDS: Blind, please, talk for yourself.

HS: <---is always interested in passing genes on... BlindFools: CDS: I was actually, but who are you? You an atheist?

CDS: Blind, oh, nevermind. I misunderstood.

BlindFools: CDS: If you are an atheist, I speak for you too.

CDS: Blind, thanks. I am and I'm perfectly happy speaking for myself.

BlindFools: CDS: But you haven't said anything.

CDS: Blind, I'm resting. :-)

PF: Anyway, so what brings you here, Blind?

BlindFools: PF: Trying to keep atheism on the right track, and you?

PF: I'm staying up cause I can't sleep.

HS: blind? what is the right track?

HS: and which train is on it?

BlindFools: CDS: "d***" is a religious term, please don't use in here.

CDS: Blind, only if you intend it in that way. It has other uses.

BlindFools: CDS: Then what does damn mean?

CDS: Blind, if can be used as an explitive for one.

CBD: Blind, uhh, you on word patrol tonight?
CBD: Blind, let you be Anathema!
CBD: :::Snicker:::....

-----------------------------

But wait, there's more.

How many people of faith does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

THURSDAY THIRTEEN

13 Funny quotes I found at The Peoples' Cube:

By Komrade Zuulski 1 "I can't wait to be issued my collectivist [non]thinking tinfoil helmet!" By El Jefe Generalismo 2 "Thank almighty Lenin that we have our own wing of the People's propaganda; Hollywood." 3 "With out them we could not re-educate the next generation of these little Eichmanns to the glorious Shining Path. " 4 "Freedom for Palestine, Bush is the Only Terrorist, and Death to Wal-Mart." By Leon Triteski 5 "While it is true that all rich men are evil and guilty, the true revolutionist knows that it does not matter which evil hegenomist is executed for any given crime. " By Chairman Meow-Say-Pun 6 "I see that Kinder-Komrade is helping to advance the revolution by taking Her much needed dose of ritalin, that is just fantastic." By Che Baabaabooie 7 "...then ManBear Pig will be the Overlord the United States and Al Gore will be sad." By Laika the Space Dog 8 "Stalin lived happily for another 8 years and the NY Times was awarded "Hero Rag of the Great Patriotic War" for keeping quiet." By Branish 9 "Have you read the article on the motherpage? That is what the glorious Times has done! Al-Qaeda has a right to know as well! Now Comrade bin Laden can easily outmanouver those evil Americans as he tries to kill you and I!" 10 "I thought the Party was going with the official phrase of "strategic redeployment," because they thought that "cut and run" too accurately described the new strategy." By Red Square 11 "The very existence of Home Depot is offensive to the sensitivities of people without homes" By Laika the Space Dog 12 "The Collective Depot? The Gulag Depot? (where you punch your one-way ticket) The Dacha Depot? Just a thought........" By Comrade_Smirnoff 13 "How ungrateful can you get? These people make me sick! It just shows you the indefatigability of bourgeois false consciousness."

Bud Lite: Real men of genious tribute:

Mr. "Really, Really, Really Bad Dancer"

The Taj Mahalaburton

The following message does not represent my view:

BRITIAN IS REVOKING U.S. INDEPENDENCE


(A Message from John Cleese To the citizens of the United States of
America):

"In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and
thus to
govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
independence,
effective immediately. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will
resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and
territories (excepting Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America
without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be
disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine
whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the
following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then
look up
aluminum, and check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how
wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated
in words
such as 'favour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell
'doughnut'
without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ize will be replaced
by the
suffix ise.
Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable
levels.
(look up vocabulary).
Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as
"like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of
communication.
There is no such thing as US English. We will let Microsoft know on your
behalf.
The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the
reinstated
letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize. You will relearn your original
national
anthem, God Save The Queen.

July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. You will learn to
resolve
personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact
that you
need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough
to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not
adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a
therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun. Therefore,
you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous
than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be required if you wish to carry
a vegetable peeler in public.


All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for your own
good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All
intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start
driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go
metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion
tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the
British sense of humour.

The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling
gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it.You will learn to make real
chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those
things
you insist on calling potato chipsare properly called crisps. Real chips are
thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with
vinegar.
The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at
all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and
European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as
Lager.
American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that
all can be sold without risk of further confusion.

Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys.
Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English
characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in Four
Weddings
and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a
heese
grater.

You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of
football;
you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
to play
rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not
involve
stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
armour like
a bunch of nancies).

Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an
event
called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of
America. Since
only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders,
your error is understandable.

You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.

An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government
will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due
(backdated
to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation


John Cleese

Meet Scamp from Dogster!

He even has his own diary.....This is too cute!

Click on The Peoples' Cube!...

and Che-Mart
...for all your dry goods! (Besides, where else are you going to go?)

Here are some sweet chihuahua pics!

Tiger's Log: Another Car Ride

Tiger's Log: A Chihuahuas Dream

Tiger's Log: Hot Sun Equals...

See more pics of Tiger, here!

...
Church Sign Smackdown!

See the rest here...
...

You Are 80% Weird

You're more than quirky, you're downright strange. But you're also strangely compelling, like a cult leader.

How Weird Are You?

If I were a Dead Russian Composer, I would be Aleksandr Borodin. Son of a 19th Century Russian prince and a...non-royal...mother, I went to medical school and became a biochemist. Most people, however, (and probably my twenty cats as well) agree that they'd trade all of my scientific discoveries for another set of "Polovetsian Dances." Who would you be? Dead Russian Composer Personality Test

How Governments Work
Submitted by admin on Fri, 2006-02-03 07:35.pundits

It's time for some fun. Time to cut-n-paste some classic usenet humor by that prolific proser, anonymous. In this particular treatise offering instruction on how governments work:
....

DEMOCRATIC

* You have two cows.
* Your neighbor has none.
* You feel guilty for being successful.
* Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANISM

* You have two cows.
* Your neighbor has none.
* So?

SOCIALIST

* You have two cows.
* The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
* You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNIST

* You have two cows.
* The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
* You wait in line for hours to get it.
* It is expensive and sour.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

* You have two cows.
* You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

* You have two cows.
* Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

AMERICAN CORPORATION

* You have two cows.
* You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
* You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
* Your stock goes up.

FRENCH CORPORATION

* You have two cows.
* You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
* They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
* Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

GERMAN CORPORATION

* You have two cows.
* You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
* Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

ITALIAN CORPORATION

* You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
* While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
* You break for lunch.
* Life is good.

RUSSIAN CORPORATION

* You have two cows.
* You have some vodka.
* You count them and learn you have five cows.
* You have some more vodka.
* You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
* The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.


IRAQI CORPORATION

* You have two cows.
* They go into hiding.
* They send radio tapes of their mooing.


BELGIAN CORPORATION

* You have one cow.
* The cow is schizophrenic.
* Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.
* The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
* The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.


FLORIDA CORPORATION

* You have a black cow and a brown cow.
* Everyone votes for the best looking one.
* Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one.
* Some people vote for both.
* Some people vote for neither.
* Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
* Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

* You have millions of cows.
* They make real California cheese.
* Only five speak English.
* Most are illegals.

I recommend the following Podcast archive :

"The IMAO Podcast is politically-incorrect audio theater for people living the digital lifestyle. We don't dink around with the blah-blah-blah heard on other podcasts; the IMAO Podcast immediately gets you into the funny."

The IMAO Podcast Archive...yeah ha!

p.s. I don't neccessarily agree with all the views...(my favorite is the Halloween episode, even though I no longer celebrate Halloween.)

Sign in a Podiatrist's office:
"Time wounds all heels."
**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck in Oregon:
"Yesterday's Meals on Wheels"

**************************

At a Proctologist's door:
"To expedite your visit please back in."
**************************

On a Plumber's truck:
"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."
**************************

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."
**************************

At a Towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."
**************************

On an Electrician's truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."
**************************

On a Maternity Room door:
"Push. Push. Push."
**************************
Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:
"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."
******************************

At an Optometrist's Office
"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."
**************************

On a Taxidermist's window:
"We really know our stuff."
**************************

On a Fence:
"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."
**************************

At a Car Dealership:
"The best way to get back on your feet -- miss a car payment."
**************************

Outside a Muffler Shop:
"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."
**************************

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"
**************************

At the Electric Company:
"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."
**************************

In a Restaurant window:
"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."
**************************

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:
"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

**************************
At a Propane Filling Station,
"Thank heaven for little grills."
**************************

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:
"Best place in town to take a leak